On days like this, I always think: what the hell is wrong with me? I have everything I could possibly need-and want. I live in the city of my choosing. I bloody love this place. Seriously. I work in a place of my choosing. Seriously? Well, I have fun, I do- and I've met the most extraordinary people. One thing takes to the other and from this point in my life I can honestly say: It all started with a Wurst!
Maybe I just miss traveling and a few friends I don't get to see that often, who used to keep me possitive. I have a roof, food (shitloads of food, please make me stop eating), I have health and crazy things in my head that could make this experience an explosion of creative randomness. I have words, and movement, and Alma on a sunny day, I have Cristina with a cat on her bed, Antoine in the distance sending distorted messages to my head, I have Sharon not believing me in trouble, I have flowers and mandarines, I even have a friend I kiss in bus stops and train stations. I have feelings of connection, a banana next to this computer and Gavin Degraw in my earphones. I have Niels reading this post at silly o'clock in the morning and me saying: Go to sleep Niels! It's late!
And if I look up, there is blue sky saying hi and kissing me softly in the abssence of that love I so long to find. I have it all and I say 'thank you', universe, if this is it- at least I can say you gave me an intensity I didn't think possible. Feeling things (even the painful ones) is fucking awesome!! Being here, in this garden, feeling the cold grass embracing my feet, is absolutely mind blowing.
I wish I didn't moan that much about the things I don't have and wish I had.
I will try. Promise.
P.S. :I am thankful Charlie came to visit and said: Meow... he is still here, enjoying a nice tummy rub I also wish I could have...
xxx
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