Hominoid

He wakes up.
Cold.
Light reflected on things white (ice).

He walks.
He analyzes.
He finds. Fruit and seed and thing.
He creates.

He wakes up.
A computer screen.

(blink)

On sisterhood and the stuff that comes with it...

For some strange reason she stopped talking to me- just like that. We went separate ways and it was as if life had cut what connected us with a pair of very big invisible scissors.

We grew up together. I met her when she was born. She was the closest to a sister I ever had. Scrap that. She was my sister. So obviously having your sister not talk to you is a little hard; specially when you don't quite get what went wrong. From then on I just got the casual report by her mom. I knew she was alright, I knew she was doing well but she wouldn't talk to me.

When we were kids we used to spend so much time together. We danced, we had a girl band (oh God that was funny!), we played with Barbies, we swam and rode horses, we wrote each other letters to gossip about boys, school, drama and general views of life at particular momens of our lives, we dreamt and shared and loved each other so much that I couldn't understand why my sister had just stopped loving me, and caring, and akcnowledging me, even.

So when she sent me a message a few days ago, I was surprised at first, then a little suspicious and then a little upset.... How come now she wants to talk to me? I thought. How come she now wants to talk and be friends as if nothing happened and not even say sorry....
I thought I didn't want to reply to that message, I thought maybe I would just reply like she did all this time: with silence.

But why? Why wouldn't I talk to her? There's a big swamp between a story of two girls, two FRIENDS. Truth is, the whole thing sounds all too silly to me now. I just wanted my sister back. Maybe she just needed time to grow at her own pace, maybe I was too much of a big sister all the time and pissed her off, maybe she just forgot beacuse she was busy (...), maybe she needed away in order to come back. What I do know is that if time is what she needed, time is what she got and now I am ready to welcome her back into my life and tell her that I do still love her (as much as I did when we were five) and that she is and always will be my SISTER.

Now go make friends with someone you love but have neglected... connect! It's what we're here for. xx

Enigma

January... or is it February already?

So typical of me..... almost a year from the last post! I am sorry blog, I will try and feed you more often.... but then again, I always say the same and never actually do it.... *sigh*

I should write something about all the amazing things that happened since the last time. In a few words it would go a bit like this: Love, sleep, food, south of France, Guatemala, dogs, more food, more love, running, swimming, a little frustration, a boy, food, the same boy, stories, an award, a play produced and published, again the boy, some music, an airplane, books, more books, more books, the friends, damn it with the boy.

To finish this post I can only say: the boy said 'Sorry' and Cinderella couldn't understand how a prince could be so scared of relationships.... and no, I won't be the one to save him from sleeping on the couch...


And I am OUT until further notice.

FFFFffffssssssssssssssssssssssssss................................... x

Reconnection-home-landing-ffffsssssss.....

On days like this, I always think: what the hell is wrong with me? I have everything I could possibly need-and want. I live in the city of my choosing. I bloody love this place. Seriously. I work in a place of my choosing. Seriously? Well, I have fun, I do- and I've met the most extraordinary people. One thing takes to the other and from this point in my life I can honestly say: It all started with a Wurst!
Maybe I just miss traveling and a few friends I don't get to see that often, who used to keep me possitive. I have a roof, food (shitloads of food, please make me stop eating), I have health and crazy things in my head that could make this experience an explosion of creative randomness. I have words, and movement, and Alma on a sunny day, I have Cristina with a cat on her bed, Antoine in the distance sending distorted messages to my head, I have Sharon not believing me in trouble, I have flowers and mandarines, I even have a friend I kiss in bus stops and train stations. I have feelings of connection, a banana next to this computer and Gavin Degraw in my earphones. I have Niels reading this post at silly o'clock in the morning and me saying: Go to sleep Niels! It's late!
And if I look up, there is blue sky saying hi and kissing me softly in the abssence of that love I so long to find. I have it all and I say 'thank you', universe, if this is it- at least I can say you gave me an intensity I didn't think possible. Feeling things (even the painful ones) is fucking awesome!! Being here, in this garden, feeling the cold grass embracing my feet, is absolutely mind blowing.
I wish I didn't moan that much about the things I don't have and wish I had.

I will try. Promise.

P.S. :I am thankful Charlie came to visit and said: Meow... he is still here, enjoying a nice tummy rub I also wish I could have...

xxx

PantoHell...

Director:

Can somebody kill me?

.

.

Sophia:

...I didn't want to say.. it is pretty bad, but...

.

.

Director:

No! I meant: Can somebody kill the MICROPHONE!!!!!!

On how Farm should think of a new door....

He examined the door, as a paleontologist would do with the ancient remains of a brontosaurus.

At first he felt like an Indiana Jones, but as the task became more and more difficult to achieve, he thought that Mr. Jones probably never had that much trouble with a single door and he probably never used the 'girl' to hold his 'stuff' while attempting the unachievable under the London rain.

'Bollocks', he thought... and all that Christmas decoration waiting to be hanged...

The End.

p.s.: By the way, the name 'Brontosaurus' is not right.... the correct name is: Apatosaurus.. but there's something so romantic about 'Brontosaurus'....