Wednesday, 14 October 2009

you have to find out, for yourself...

Over the last two weeks I've been in some kind of emotional rollercoaster in which I discover (quite insightful also) all the range of emotions a human being is capable of.... so it seems.
It all starts with some projects I was really looking forward to be part of and couldn't because of various reasons; then there is the usual pain in the ass-blondish cutie with british accent who is the biggest idiot on the planet, that, and a fucking comedy genius.
Arrrggg.... So one day you look to the future and think: what a beautiful life... I will do this and this and that... well, the next day you are back in '0' and nothing seems to be working...
Tonight I had dinner with a friend, (hard to say because before today I never really saw him as a friend, but just someone I know... but now I know he cares)
basically he told me of how much he did underestimate me in the past and how amazed he is with me now. He said something like: 'Somehow you managed to hide your strenghts from me.' In his opinion that is what I do in life... I am afraid of taking risks, of leaving my comfort zone and of showing my strenghts. 'Your playing small doesn't help the world' someone wrote in a book. Sometimes one has this amazing image of how one wants to be... but maybe in the future; I don't know... a bit like leaving life for later... something like that...
And I did think of a song a friend sang for me once (the same I sang for another friend too- but without the audience), of a Buddhist phrase and something I read in a 'New Age book'.
The Buddhist thing goes like this:
Radiant Presence-
However young,
the seeker who sets out upon the way
shines bright over the world.
Day and night
the person who is awake
shines in the radiance of the spirit.
Live purely
Be quiet
Do your work, with mastery.
Like the moon,
come from behind the clouds!
Song for a Friend is a song I always told myself I would remember when having a bad day... probably my fav. song by Jason.
The video is a little shitty, but hey, it was a nice present.

I also have to thank Indre for reading this blog and for being such an amazing friend. xx

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